When Your Spouse Brings Up Divorce in Couples Therapy



You’re trying hard in couples therapy, but your spouse announces they’re thinking of divorce. If your therapist doubles down on the situation (prying your spouse back to the work or trying to convince you things are over), it’s not likely to go well, to put it mildly. Instead of surviving session after session without a sense of what is really at stake, we suggest what may be a better option. Listen to the video and see if this fits your situation.


My Spouse Brings Up Divorce - What Now?

In the journey of marriage, encountering challenges is inevitable. However, when a spouse brings up the prospect of divorce, it can shake the foundation of the relationship. Elizabeth Doherty Thomas and Bill Doherty, co-founders of the Doherty Relationship Institute, offer insights into navigating this delicate situation and preserving the bond through effective communication and support.

Traditional Counseling or Discernment Counseling?

The scenario is all too familiar: couples in therapy striving to mend their relationship while one partner doubts its sustainability. Traditional couples therapy assumes a mutual commitment to working on the relationship. Yet, when one spouse contemplates divorce, this approach may falter.

Acknowledging this reality, Elizabeth and Bill propose a nuanced approach: addressing the issue head-on through open dialogue and understanding. Rather than ignoring or dismissing the concerns of the spouse contemplating divorce, creating a safe space for honest communication is essential.

When a spouse brings up divorce, it signifies deeper underlying issues within the relationship. It's crucial to delve into these concerns with empathy and compassion to understand the root causes of dissatisfaction or uncertainty. This reflective process lays the groundwork for constructive dialogue and potential resolution.

Stepping Past A Spouse Mentioning Divorce

In this context, Discernment Counseling emerges as a valuable resource. Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling specializes in navigating uncertainty and ambivalence within relationships. It acknowledges the complexity of situations where one partner leans towards divorce while the other seeks reconciliation.

Discernment Counseling offers a structured approach to exploring the relationship's viability, providing clarity and guidance amidst uncertainty. Through introspection and dialogue, couples can gain insights into their respective contributions to the challenges they face, fostering mutual understanding and empathy.

A Spouse Mentioning Divorce is Not an End-All

For couples grappling with the prospect of divorce, Discernment Counseling offers a ray of hope. It provides a supportive environment where both partners can express their concerns and aspirations without judgment. By embracing this process, couples can navigate their differences with compassion and resilience, fostering a path toward resolution.

Ultimately, when a spouse brings up divorce, it's a call to action for both partners to confront the underlying issues and work towards a mutually beneficial outcome. Through effective communication, empathy, and support, couples can navigate this challenging terrain and emerge stronger than ever before.

In conclusion, Elizabeth Doherty Thomas and Bill Doherty's insights underscore the importance of addressing marriage challenges when a spouse brings up divorce. By embracing open dialogue and seeking professional guidance, couples can navigate uncertainty and strengthen their bond, paving the way for a brighter future together.